


The BEST Adventure

by Beta_Jawn



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Camping, Dirk Gently Being Dirk Gently, Fire, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, M/M, Make Out Session, Summer Camp, Todd Brotzman is Bad at Feelings, Trees, did anyone pack food?, where are we even?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-23 14:12:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16160534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Beta_Jawn/pseuds/Beta_Jawn
Summary: Todd found himself struggling to understand his current situation fully. He had every right to be angry, frustrated, annoyed, irritated and several other words you could find in a dictionary for these types of circumstances. He might in fact have been a number of those things if this was the first time Dirk had kidnapped him.It wasn't even the first time this month.





	1. Seattle is boring

**Author's Note:**

> My first real fic, let me know what you think!
> 
> Also see link at the end for some artwork!

 

 

It was a day.

 Just a day.

 Nothing spectacular, special or sensational to speak of. The stream of creation was surprisingly leafless, begging the question if it was just a slow time of year or if the universe had gone on holiday. The world was quiet, no catastrophes or conundrums to speak of. Bergsberg had long settled down, its magic once again contained and Lydia still found herself delightfully un-dogged.

 Seattle though...Seattle was _BORING_ . As was the recent status quo. The agency had been without a case for over a week. **_Completely unacceptable_ ** . There were no events, requirements, persons to rescue or mysteries to solve this day or many of the ones that had preceded it. Though there were _several_ international day celebrations to consider such as Panic, Picnics and Sushi, but that was neither here nor there to currently consider.

 Todd had planned to do nothing this day.

 Todd honestly hadn’t done anything for days.

 Todd was enjoying and uptick in REM cycles. Which honestly after several busy weeks of oddly carnivorous house plants and genetically modified mole rats he more than well deserved. Unfortunately though, this also increased the amount of bizarre dreams Todd was apt to have. One night he dreamt he was still touring with the Mexican Funeral. Another that he rode Pepe the electric rhino into victory against the evil knights of Wendimore. Yet another he relived the last several pararibulitis attacks simultaneously, shambling along with decaying limbs burnt to a crisp and encased in ice. He may or may not have woken screeching like a tea kettle, but who is really to say.

 Today he had been having pleasant dreams of adventures and triumphs, of playing music with Amanda and Dirk. Dirk with his sideways smile and blinding yellow jacket. Dirk laughing and happy, kicking wildly about and only pretending to actually know what he was doing. Todd clung to the dream tightly with both fists, unwilling to let go and wake. But like most instances of school yard tug of war one side was far superior. To no one’s shock that side did not belong to Todd. He tumbled into a restless limbo, the kind where you are probably still asleep but _only just._ Life looked like a pixelated screen and it felt like being wrapped in cotton candy soundproofing.

 The music was muffled and jarring to his ears and his field of vision oscillated wildly. Todd tried to gain purchase but could not find stability within his cotton candy prison.

 

**CRACK!**

 

The sound of one very unhappy hubcap screeching against the curb sounded within the confined space. Horns were blaring and Todd was _very_ much _awake_ . Dirk was _very_ much _unaware_ of any problems he may have been causing their surroundings by cutting such a close corner and continued caterwauling to something that was probably better suited for a night club then a car at 6:30 in the morning.

 Todd found himself struggling to understand his current situation fully. He had every right to be angry, frustrated, annoyed, irritated and several other words you could find in a dictionary for these types of circumstances. He might in fact have been a number of those things **if** this was the **first** time Dirk had kidnapped him.

It wasn't even the first time **this month**.

 “Well at least I’m wearing pants this time.” He mumbled to no one at all, scrubbing at his face.

 “Todd! You're awake! We're-”

 “Going on an adventure. I'm aware Dirk. I know the drill.”  Todd looked out the window, seeing the city recede behind them. Dirk proudly beamed, putting all light bulbs known to man to shame.

 “That's right. An adventure! It's going to be THE BEST ADVENTURE! I can feel it!”

 Todd rolled his shoulders and sighed, resigning himself to the will of the universe and to follow the Holistic Detective without question as he took whatever path lay ahead.

 “New case Dirk?”  Todd blinked owlishly at the newly risen sun.

 Dirk did not respond, just beamed and looked at Todd, his best assis-friend, with the knowing smirk that means trouble...and that Dirk has absolutely no idea what he's doing.

 “Nature Todd! _Nature!_ ” Dirk finally explained, hands repelling from the wheel as he gesticulated his uncontainable excitement. Todd had stopped even feeling the butterflies of anxiety when this occurred and just reached out to grip the wheel firmly enough to keep them on the road until this ball of sunshine calmed itself. Todd made sure the car never left it's appropriate lane and rolled his eyes at Dirk.

 “What part of nature in particular? Is it a place? A thing? Maybe another cult to infiltrate?”

 His best friend harrumphed, shoving the added hands from the wheel and gripping firmly with a seriously pointed side eye. With a flip of his hair Dirk turned his nose up. “What kind of surprise adventure inviter would I be if I ruined it right off the bat?!”

 Todd fell into a fit of laughter, feeling a calmness pass over him. This was the sense of peace he had begun to feel before he barreled head first into another interesting series of events with Dirk. The detective who never stopped detecting even if he didn't know he was detecting anything at all. As the trees became more prevalent outside, the boys opened their windows and took in the cool breeze. Time continued to speed past, the destination still a mystery.

 

Eventually Dirk argued about being ‘Just Fine’ for the better part of an hour after he had started to fall asleep at the wheel. He used every option of persuasion to explain away his tiredness and when that failed had just whined like a small child. Todd remained unphased and just stared Dirk down.

 Currently Dirk had long since been defeated and was snoring in the passenger seat. Todd enjoyed the wind in his hair and continued to follow the path set by their GPS, still unclear as to where he was ultimately destined to be. The signs started disappearing, miles infinitely expanding between them. The music had long since ended and Todd found himself enjoying the quiet, only the sounds of the woods around them, occasionally interrupted by a quiet, gentle snore.

 It wasn't uncommon for Dirk to be bristling with ideas and energy for days on end to be followed by a hard crash. They hadn't been on a case though, and he hadn't heard any nightmares through the paper thin walls of their apartments in a few weeks. A sense of worry started edging into the calm but it was squashed by the reassurance that at least this mad detective was finally getting some sleep.

 

Today was a day.

 Evidently an adventuring day.

 Long after leaving the realm of paved roads and traversing the maze of dirt trails hardly big enough to afford a vehicle, the pair found themselves coming to a halt in a clearing of cabins. All of them appeared run down, windows shuttered, moss growing off the roofs, porches decaying and receding back into the earth.

 “Todd!!! We made it!” Dirk cheered, scaring his companion who had not seen him wake, before leaping out of the Jeep so fast he nearly took a nose dive in the bushes. The warmth and butterflies continued to spread throughout Dirk’s torso, even as he dusted himself off and took in the blue peeking in from above the canopy, basking in the shreds of sun and chipper bird calls.

 Todd stifled a giggle bubbling within the confines of his ribs, looking fondly at Dirk, thinking of how many Disney princesses he resembled currently. A flush of pink crossed Todd’s cheeks at the thought of his friend singing and dancing through a field. Suddenly, a distant howl brought the giddiness to a grinding halt.

 “Uhhhhh...Dirk….”

 “Todd, these cabins are the **best!** I bet they have **bunk beds!** And **ghosts** and **really cute squirrels** we can give delightful nicknames to!”

 “Dirk-”

 “Oooooo!! We will have to start a fire! Can we have a _campfire_ ?? Did I bring _marshmallows_?!”

 “Dirk!!”

 Todd grabbed the detective by the shoulders, facing him eye to eye. Dirk's eyes were cobalt. When did they start being cobalt? Had they always been that color? Todd's insides started doing summersaults as he considered all the other things that tried to be as accurate a color as Dirk's eyes.

 “Todd?! Todd!! Are you having an attack?!” And now those cobalt eyes were filled with everything _wrong_.

 “What?! No! I'm just-- I mean-- Dirk, I just need you to stop a second. You still haven't explained what we are doing here.” Todd released the detective but he was not released in return as Dirk grasped the lapels of his jacket.

 They stared into one another's eyes for more than a moment. It was probably several moments. Both felt it was a little tougher to breath and that there were tingles in their fingers and toes. Both blamed the woods, or altitude, or some other external source.

 “Dirk?” Todd tried again, much gentler this time.

 “Yes, um, we're camping, Todd. CLEARLY.” And Dirk's confident glow had returned with a waggle of his eyebrow. “Behold!” He gestured to the cabins around them.

 “So we're camping? In these cabins? Just because?”

 “Yes. Well THAT cabin specifically, the rest are empty right now.”

 “Oh, are there other people out here then?”

 “Nope. Just us. It's what they call the ‘off season.’ That’s what the park ranger told me when I called,” Dirk grinned, climbing into the back of the Jeep to dig free his backpack and sleeping bag. Todd scoffed from his vantage point, hands on hips, taking in the wonderful nature that surrounded them.

 “No offense ,Dirk, but have you ever seen a horror movie?? Because I can name several that start exactly like this. I'd rather not get taken out by a hockey mask wearing weirdo or a bunch of demons.” His companion stopped, arms laden with all his gear, blinking with uncertainty.

 “A _what_ ? _Who_ ? It's too early for campfire stories Todd.” He pushed past, dumping all of his items onto the porch upon a questionable chair (which made a sound not unlike a dying man's groan) and began to fumble about for the correct key to unlock the door. The ring he materialized from the depths of his jacket housed dozens of keys all of different sizes, metals and ages. Todd found himself with the dilemma of watching Dirk's trials and tribulations of key uncovering **or** retrieving whatever items Dirk had deemed necessary to pack for him. This was a frightening perspective alone, as due to the general persnickety nature of fate Dirk had never ACTUALLY been camping before today.

 Todd was completely unaware of Dirk’s lack of camping.  

 Together these boys were ridiculous.

 

The cabin didn't have bunk beds, much to Dirk’s sadness, just a twin bed and a couch. Dirk offered to flip a coin for who got the bed but they didn't actually have a coin between them and _also,_ Todd didn't much care if he slept on a couch or not. Before long Dirk’s items were piled upon the bed and Todd’s lay beside the couch. Dirk had indeed packed marshmallows and had set them aside for later when he insisted they would have a campfire. Unfortunately Dirk had not packed much in the way of real food, forgetting once again that other people cannot sustain themselves on pure confectioner’s sugar. Todd began to wonder whether or not Dirk would be offended if he began sectioning out the trail mix into meals.

 After a brief lunch of slim jims and mixed nuts Todd decided to collect kindling for the fire they had planned for the evening, humming quietly to himself as Dirk had disappeared to investigate some odd scratching sounds coming from the two cabins left of them. There was a number of prayers made to any listening deities asking the universe to not skunk his best friend, for both of their sanities.

 The woods were eerily serene, the midday sun slightly obscured by a light layer of slate clouds, creating a bubble of calm that blocked out the chaos of the outside world. Todd had forgotten how much he liked the woods, reminiscing about all the trips he had made with his parents and Amanda. Somehow he had decided in his infinite stupidity that those family trips were above him once he became a teenager, and now found himself desperately longing for them. Now that he hardly spoke to his parents or Amanda, as she was often gone for months at a time with the Rowdy 3...or whatever they called themselves now, he felt terribly disconnected. He let himself sit, kindling forgotten beside him, sunning himself on a rock and just breathing the clean forest air.

 Dirk was a distance away. He had found a squirrel family in cabin four that he had named after all of his favorite types of candy. One had even accepted a snack from his hand causing swirls of anxiety and excitement within the detectives chest. He moved methodically cabin by cabin in the circle making sure it was hospitable and attempting to clean it if not. The word attempting was most important here as Dirk had been designed from day one to be horribly unable to keep on a singular task for more than a half hour at best. Though all tasks attended to, complete or not, were all done with kindness and genuine care. He crept quietly from place to place, not wanting Todd to see him, hoping his plans would remain a surprise. It was difficult though to quell the uneasiness within his belly, rolling in waves as he flitted about, worrying that this olive branch of an adventure would fall flat on its face.

 Dirk’s mother always used to read fairytales to him, describing all the most beautiful and lush places to visit. He had dreamed all the days and nights of his childhood as to which ones he might get to see someday. He never imagined he would have stumbled upon body swapping cults outside Seattle or magical realms buried within the simplicity of a town in Montana but here he was. For so long the stories he had heard kept him sane in Blackwing, believing he would visit fields and forests, climb trees and swim in lakes. He could never have imagined what places he would visit, especially now being in the quiet woods with his best friend separated from the hustle and bustle of their everyday lives.

 The detective had so many plans for this adventure, none of which involved villains, death threats or genetically questionable critters. While some had not gone as planned (he had in fact packed a picnic basket of Todd-friendly food which still resided on the curb outside the apartment building) he still believed there was an infinite amount of fun to be had on this most delightful trip.

By mid afternoon the two best friends had convened on the creaking and crying porch outside the cabin Dirk had claimed as their own. Todd was pleased to find that in the bag Dirk had packed for him there was a lighter hidden in the pocket of his jacket. This meant they could in fact roast marshmallows for their dinner. More importantly the fire meant they could stay warm in the chill that would inevitably set in as the sun disappeared behind the trees this evening. The other items were not necessarily as useful. Inside his backpack resided a singular sock, extra pants, a pair of boxers, two band shirts, his jacket and a toothbrush. No toothpaste though. Or deodorant. He hoped they would be found later digging through one of Dirks bags, otherwise he would feel quite gross after a while.

 “If this is an adventure, should we explore?” Todd pondered aloud.

 “Fantastic idea Todd! You are the best assis-friend. Always sharp, always on top of the situation!” Dirk smiled ear to ear, laughter crinkles around his eyes. His limbs felt increasingly heavy with warmth and calm. They collected jackets and filled a bag with some water and snacks and headed off into the thick green opposite the crescent of cabins.

 The two walked along, hardly space for an arm between them. Todd was in mostly contemplative silence while Dirk commented in wonderment at all the different and interesting items surrounding them. Every color of bark was the best color he had ever seen and Todd listened intently as his companion tried to decide what shade each varying tone was.

 “Do you think the woods were the same color in Wendimore Todd??? I don't actually remember much about them…”

 “Hard to say Dirk. I was a little busy trying not to die, can't say I really got to enjoy the scenery and especially didn't get to investigate any of the foliage.” Dirk considered for a moment, seemingly satisfied with that answer.

 They paused briefly in a clearing, surrounded by some of the oldest trees they had seen in the forest. Some had trunks so wide the two men together could not reach around them. Dirk grasped a branch that remained at eye level and looked up into the canopy with a clear sense of childlike wonderment.

 “Dirk, have you ever been camping before? Or even been in the woods outside of a case?” Watching his friend brought a tightness to his chest. It made his legs tingle and beg for movement while his calloused thumbs absently rubbed at the palms of his hands.

 “Todd…” He blinked, chewed at his lip and became lost in the confines of his mind. Dirk realized sadly he had not in fact. He had been in woods with Todd to dig up The Device, he had been in the woods in Wendimore fighting to survive much as Todd had. A cold sweat prickled in his collar and he found himself surprised to realize he couldn't recall any other times, even with his mother.

 “No...I haven't. All the more an adventure, eh?!” Dirk smilied, a flash of teeth and a crinkle of his eyes that failed to convey the happiness and ease he wanted Todd to see. Instead he appeared uncomfortably awkward, though not in his typically charming fashion. A shiver slipped down Todd’s spine, it may have been felt by the entire area, it could be no one noticed at all.

 “Maybe we can come explore some more tomorrow eh? The sun is starting to set and we should be back before dark.” Todd offered, scratching at his ankle with a dirty and beat up sneaker. Dirk beamed, breathing life back into their surroundings.

 “Why? What happens when it gets dark? Will we meet other delightful woodland dwellers?!” He clapped and sprung up on his toes, barely contained energy within the confines of his slim frame. Todd barked a laugh in response, returning the easy smile of his companion.

 “Well, we will get lost, for one. And yes there are some critters that come out more at night that we wouldn't want to meet up with, like bears or wolves or large cats. I don't actually know what is native to this park, better to be safe than sorry. Let's go build that fire alright?” He gestured back the way they had come.

 “MARSHMALLOWS!!” Dirk bellowed with the purest joy, birds scattering from the trees above and calling out to him to match his enthusiasm.

 “TODD!!! This is a camping THING. I KNOOOW. We must obtain sticks to impale the marshmallows on so they can roast appropriately in the fire! The most natural naturey sticks we can find! It's so lucky there are so many trees! OH!! And when we are roasting we must follow procedure! We must tell scary stories that are believably frightening but juuuust shy of nightmare inducing.” He skipped to and fro, grasping Todd by the shoulders and pushing him back towards the camp, one hand occasionally gesticulating wildly as he kept along.

 The entire trek back to the campsite Dirk continued this process, occasionally jumping with anticipation. Todd couldn't keep the smirk from his face but wasn't as shy as he normally was as Dirk couldn’t see his face to know. Dirk wore an equally pleasant expression upon his face as he gazed at the curls bouncing lightly atop Todd’s scraggly haircut. There was a large question floating unanswered in the universe of what Dirk or Todd might do if one other saw these tender expressions of fondness.

 Today was not the day to know.

 That leaf was yet to cross this pass of the stream of consciousness.

 

Eventually they made it back to the camp, surprisingly only getting turned around and lost once. This was quickly rectified through. The longer task was convincing Dirk that his perfect marshmallow roasting stick was not to be the one hiding within a batch of poison sumac. Todd had to forcibly drag his best friend away, promising the best stick was still yet to be found on the path. There was a considerable amount of pouting, grumbling and eye rolling. Thankfully the stick was procured without injury to any persons.

 Todd recalled his skills of fire starting from his teenage years to illuminate their campsite. Generally these skills were learned appropriately from mentors, though he and a friend did accidentally set the drapes alight once but to each their own. When their fire was steady and strong he turned back to Dirk and immediately fell into a fit of giggles, much to the detective’s confusion.

 There sat Dirk, feet firm on the ground and hands clasped in his lap, clearly working hard to remain calm and patient with a stick in his fist toting ten marshmallows to roast. He squirmed under the gaze of his friend, kicking at a pebble before his feet. Todd gestured for Dirk to come closer to the flames as he added two marshmallows to his own roasting stick.

 “Come on, have you ever roasted these over a flame? It can be tricky, not everyone likes how they taste if they catch on fire.” Dirk shook his head and moved to sit beside Todd, focused intently at roasting the PERFECT marshmallow. Thankfully Dirk had in fact packed a number of disposable plates and utensils as they became quickly necessary as several of his middle mallows melted and began to disengage from the stick whilst others at the top caught alight and turned black quite spectacularly and with a decent amount of squeaking from Dirk.

 “Next time we should make s’mores Dirk. Not that these aren't good, but s’mores are the best.” Todd informed him around a mouthful of sticky sugar.

 “S’mores?” Dirk inquired with a head tilt as he scooped another mouthful of marshmallow in.

 “Yeah you put the marshmallow in between two graham crackers with chocolate.” Crickets could be heard in the expanding silence as Dirk stared at his companion. Something creaked and cawed in the distance and Dirk continued to blink.

 “THAT’S A THING?! HOW DID I MISS THAT?!” He dug frantically through the bag of random foodstuffs that had been packed and made equally distressed and sad groans as he realized none of those items waited for him within the depths. Todd just smiled and continued to roast a new set of marshmallows above the fire. Eventually Dirk relented, pouting at his stick, still encased in gooey remnants and fighting him as he tried to add more confections to it.

 “So, campfire stories huh?” Todd offered. Dirk turned with an open mouthed grin.

 “I had forgotten! Yes, Todd, let's!! What kind of stories should we tell!” The bounding happiness and excitement had returned, Dirk cycling through thoughts a mile a minute to decide what story to tell. The pair offered tales back and forth for an hour or so. Todd telling Dirk about mystery series with cliffhanger endings and no answers in sight, much to the abject horror of the detective. Dirk told tales of odd creatures, critters and university students he had come into contact with over the years. There were bouts of laughter and shrieks of fear as well as imitations of others and boasting of varying instances of bravery.

 As the fire begin to die the duo collected their items and picked up, readying themselves to return to the small cabin and prepare for bed. Todd even pretended not to hear the yelp of panic Dirk let loose upon stepping through the threshold forgetting the porches propensity to whine and groan beneath their feet.

 The cabin was small but cozy. The men had plenty of choices of blankets and pillows to create the most comforting cocoon to slumber within. Both got ready for bed independently, attempting a semblance of their normal bedtime routine in a much tighter space than usual, bumping elbows and knees often. Todd turned off one lamp in the far corner, his preferred pillows and blankets laying on the couch. He let Dirk burrito himself within the several layers of blankets, throws and sheets upon the bed and only turned the final lamp down when he could only identify the eyes, nose and a tuft of hair belonging to his friend.

 Todd promptly buried himself beneath the blankets on the loveseat facing away from the window that illuminated part of the room with moonlight.

 “Goodnight Dirk. Thanks for taking me camping, this has been a really fun break that I think we both needed.”

 “Of course Todd, anytime!” Dirk crowed, unable to hide his excitement and smug pride despite the fact the men could not see each other. They both drifted to sleep with smiles on their faces.

 

 

 


	2. The Forest is Interesting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And this was when Todd realized that he was, in fact, an idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy the next chapter! Look for more fun art at the end!

It was a day.

A most interesting and fascinating day.

When Todd awoke it was already sunny, which didn't mean much as it was impossible for him to tell the time. He peeked over the couch arm and noticed Dirk’s blankets scattered everywhere but the detective was nowhere to be found. Todd rolled off the blanket, digging around for his clothing. He dressed quickly, looking around for any sign of his best friend. He stopped in his tracks, t-shirt over his head and one arm in a sleeve, when he noticed a dinged up thermos waiting on the counter with a note beside it. After righting his shirt Todd, snagged the note off the counter, once again looking around to establish the location of his partner. He opened the note and inside was Dirk’s particular scrawl.

_ I know it’s not your preferred kind but I found some coffee and this mug should keep it toasty!  _

The only time in his life Todd had wanted to hug Dirk any more than he did right now was after they had found him outside Blackwing. He twisted off the cap and let the pungent smell of far too old instant coffee permeate his nostrils and curl his toes in his socks. Coffee is one of the most glorious inventions known to man. He gulped down half the container in one go wondering how long ago Dirk had made this for him. He slipped his feet in his sneakers and grabbed his jacket against the chill in the air, digging his phone out from under the pillow. It was eight a.m. and he only had 25% battery left. 

Outside the cabin their Jeep still sat just as they had left it yesterday but it’s driver was nowhere to be found. The coffee sat warm in his belly, the caffeine sending jolts of energy through his limbs. The sky was a pale but bright blue with the occasional cloud floating by. A breeze shaking at the treetops brought forth the sounds of birds. 

“Dirk?” Todd called into the forest. He turned toward a scuffling sound coming from across the clearing. “Dirk?!” Todd shuffled along toward the corner the sound came from. Dirk popped up from around the corner of a cabin, a look of excitement and mischief upon his face.

“Todd! Good morning!” Dirk puttered along, a rickety broom in hand, sweeping the equally dilapidated porch of the cabin he currently resided at. A bright smile crossed his face as he looked up at Todd.

“Dirk, What are you doing?” Todd sipped at the coffee, looking around to see all the cabin porches were equally cleared of debris and organized as best they could be. 

“Ahh nothing, just seemed like something to do until you woke up!” He continued his sweeping, humming to himself. 

“Ok,” Todd shrugged looking out into the trees again. “Did you want to go exploring again this morning?” Dirk made a noncommittal noise beside him and Todd turned to meet his gaze, concerned by a flicker of something unreadable behind his eyes. It was gone as fast as it came and there he was, good old Dirk again. 

“We went right yesterday! Shall we venture left and see what there is to find out in the trees? I hope we see some animals today!” and there he was, gone in a flash. This unending ball of sunshine skipping off to put away the aging broom before returning with a backpack and can-do attitude. Todd gulped down the last of the coffee, meeting Dirk at the Jeep where he tossed the thermos in the back seat. 

“Lead the way!” Todd offered, knowing how much Dirk enjoyed barreling headlong into the unknown. Dirk bristled with excitement, looking towards the new path and marching along quickly. Todd jogged to catch up and worked to match pace with his overly excited companion. 

Dirk removed a small notebook and pencil from his pocket, scribbling notes and chatting animatedly about the lists he was creating related to the colors, plants, and creatures they encountered the previous day and how much room he had to add new ones from their current walk. He found a particularly vibrant red leaf on the ground beside a sapling and with a quick decision folded into the back page of the notebook.

“Bringing some of the forest home with you then?” Todd interrupted his companion’s chatting much to his surprise. 

“Of course Todd, it is important to document one's endeavours don’t you think?” A smirk crossing his face, quickly distracted again by some small animal chittering through the foliage. 

“Is this why you wanted to come camping? To explore the woods? I know it's been slow at the office but we could have always gone for a hike or something closer to home if you just wanted to get out,” Todd smiled fondly and laughed. Dirk’s smile only faulted minutely at the corners, if Todd had blinked or even breathed wrong he would have missed it. His heart plummeted to his toes, realizing he had done something wrong but unsure of what it was.

“Dirk-” he reached a hand out to grasp his friends elbow but his fingertips just ghosted by where the jacket sleeve used to be.

“I think I saw a deer,” Dirk offered, the happiness mostly reaching his throat as the words tumbled out of his mouth and he was gone. 

“Dirk, what did I-” he carded a hand through his messy hair, anxiety creeping through his limbs. “Dirk? Dirk!” He trailed after his friend, unsure if he should rush after or give him space. He worried about all the tiny things Dirk had been off about since they headed out here. Thinking back, he had been more high strung the last several days before they left as well. Todd’s chest ached and his breath came with slightly more difficulty, worrying about the well being of his best friend. 

Dirk had gotten surprisingly far ahead. Todd never saw him move so fast unless he was hunting a clue or being chased by an assailant. Or that time Amanda had brought cupcakes. Remembering Dirk’s utter joy brought the beginnings of a smile to Todd’s face, cutting through the dread as he continued his trek through the trees. As he rounded a particularly large trunk, Todd caught a glimpse of Dirk through the leaves, sitting on a large rock, scrubbing at his face in a way Todd was very familiar with.

He thought back to a number of nights when he had stayed up watching TV with Dirk into the wee hours of the mornings when his nightmares got too bad. He would wake screaming and drenched in sweat, tears streaming down his face and staining the collar of his shirt. Todd could usually hear him through the drafty floorboards and would invite himself up, or bring Dirk back downstairs. Usually they would not discuss details but they mostly involved Blackwing and sometimes most recently the Cardinas’ house. Those nights he would look untrusting to the walls, expecting them to bleed or move. 

It was only a few weeks ago that they sat together, just hardly touching from shoulder to foot, relaxing into the crappy old couch he had yet to replace despite its damage from the Rowdy 3 so long ago. Dirk had finally relaxed from that night’s visions of fear and laughed easily at the cartoon on the tv. Todd remembered thinking he was surprised how at ease they felt together and how much he appreciated having someone in his life like Dirk, someone he was still trying to understand why he deserved. Without Dirk he wouldn’t be the honest and more grounded version of himself that was currently wandering around.

It hurt him so much to see Dirk sad. Normally it was someone else making his friend have that face and Todd usually wanted to deck them. Now though, he had done it.  _ By accident. _ It didn’t sting any less. Todd spiraled through dozens of thoughts trying to figure out where he had gone wrong. He suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, his limbs felt heavy and not his own. He hadn’t had an attack in weeks, he felt a sob catch in his throat, he willed his body to behave and please not do this right now. Not when he had so many important things to say to Dirk.

_ He had important things to say to Dirk _ . He wanted to tell him how special he was, how amazing he way, how beautiful he was-

And this was when Todd realized that he was, in fact, an idiot. 

An idiot who was in love with his best friend.

Todd's skin began to itch and prickle and pull. His anxiety started to careen before he realized, much to his relief and embarrassment, this was not a pararibulitis attack but an overwhelming feeling of sentiment for HIS holistic detective. His detective who needed to be hugged vigorously and immediately. Todd made a beeline to inform him of how stupid he had been. To apologize, to pull him close.

“Oh, Todd! Hi! I was just making notes about some most interesting fungi!” Dirk exclaimed, swiping away at the last of the tears.

“Dirk-”

“I counted at least 4 different shades of grey on just one individual specimen-”

“Dirk!”

“Todd!?” Dirk bellowed back. “Can we not talk about how much I messed this up?! I can’t do anything right!” His poor friend, breath heaving out and hands pulling at his hair. Todd’s heart was officially breaking watching this man unravel before him.

“Dirk, you haven’t messed anything up, everything is fine, everything is GREAT actually-”

“How can you say that? No one showed up!”

“Wait, what?”

“I invited everyone to come camping with us! I just wanted it to be fun, like that summer camp thing that people do. You know HAVE FUN, play silly sport things, prank people with odd things, make wonderful memories we will cherish! That's how this thing works right?!” He huffed out all of the air in his lungs, presenting much like a deflated balloon. Poor Dirk, melting into the rock he perched upon, waves of disappointment visible like the heat, pining in the pines for friends he hoped and believed would magically appear as he was always so apt to do…

“Dirk…” Todd signed, stumbling forward a  few steps, pulled forth by the will of the universe, completely unsure of how he was going to continue this action.

“No, Todd, I’m a failure. AS USUAL. I’m roasted, toasted and  _ burnt to a crisp _ .” Dirk groaned, kicking at the pebbles in the dirt before him. And suddenly it all clicked into place, why camping of all things, had suddenly the most important idea ever. Todd held his breath for just a moment to stifle the laughter bubbling in his chest, knowing it would not help his friend at all. 

“Dirk,” Todd tried again, this time crouching down before the distraught detective. “You are not a failure. You are spectacular and wonderfully creative. I can’t believe you put together an entire trip based on watching late night tv with me. Though I’m curious just how many episodes of Salute Your Shorts it took for you to decide that this was a good-”

“Three,” Dirk offered quickly, his excitement peeking through again before looking sheepish, beet color rising to his cheeks. This time Todd did bark out a laugh, startling the detective, but quickly he grabbed both of Dirk’s hands in his to ground him back to the conversation. 

“Dirk you are amazing. It doesn't matter if anyone comes or not, I am having so much fun on this adventure with you. We can do all of the summer camp things you want _ I promise _ . Except maybe swim, it’s not really the season for that and the lake is like...a seven mile hike from here.” Dirks smile really came back, the blush still firmly residing on his face. 

“T-Todd did you know you were holding my hands?” Dirk asked, avoiding eye contact. Todd felt like an entire swarm of butterflies were trying to escape his torso, but if it was one thing Dirk ever taught him it was to be your honest self without fear.

“Yeah, about that, sooooo...there’s this thing where I realized just how much I like you.” Dirk snorted at him while raising an eyebrow at Todd for being frankly ridiculous.

“Of course you like me, I’m your best friend!” His fingers moved nervously in Todd’s hands and he began to squirm a little in his seat. “I don’t see how you would like me much more outside that unless you-” and there it was. The lightbulb. Todd waited for hesitation, for Dirk to say hey man no way or to flee into the woods. But Todd’s gaze stayed steady, and boy was he glad he did. The sun couldn’t hope to compete with the brightness of Dirk’s face. He could not contain himself any longer and launched himself forward into Todd, smothering him in a hug and toppling them into the leaves below them.

“And here I was avoiding the attack hug lest I scare you away,” Todd mumbled into Dirk’s cheek which was pressed against his face. Dirk laughed and released his companion, as they both rolled up to look at one another. Neither said anything and just smiled awkwardly at one another, but if there was one thing these two found endearing it was awkwardness. Todd stood, dusting himself off and offering a hand to Dirk, whose current label was in the air at this juncture. He gripped Dirk’s palm and hoisted him to his feet beside him. Their hands didn’t separate and they continued to grin at one another in such a sickly sweet way any audience might be sick from its sugaryness. 

“Let’s continue that walk shall we? Maybe we can find you some more interesting fungi.” Dirk excitedly squealed and pulled them forward, dragging Todd onto the nearest path. “So when you said you invited everyone, who is everyone?” 

“Well, obviously Farah but I know she’s away visiting Tina. I invited Amanda which means I invited the Rowdy 3 though their current numbered ranks are uncertain, I invited Mona too. I was scared if I asked Bart she might forget we were friends and try to kill me again.”

“That's fair...you know Dirk most of those people don’t have phones or addresses….how did you…” Dirk blinked owlishly at him.

“I just wrote them notes and put them in the mail. Isn’t that how it works? The universe finds those who are unfindable?” Dirk batted his eyes at Todd, who groaned and signed.

“I’m sure that will work great Dirk. but I mean, you could have just sent a message to Farah, she doesn't live off the grid.” Dirk waved him off and continued through the forest. They spent the morning investigating all manners of nature. They played silly camp things like hide and seek and eye spy before Todd realized Dirk was terrible at both and had to distract him elsewhere. They sat in the shade of a tree to eat their odd trail mix assortment for lunch, they were really going to need to get actual food soon. They spent the hour after lunch climbing into and lounging within a tree. Evidently Dirk had never climbed one before as his stint in the trunk of a car did not count as actual tree climbing time. 

Todd told odd stories of past camping trips and Dirk of detecting adventures before they had met. They talked about the strange storytelling of old 90’s TV shows and Dirk’s questions were limitless as he clearly missed a decent chunk of pop culture. They even sang a few camp songs Dirk had learned just for the occasion, even if Todd could barely contain his laughter at Dirk’s inability to carry a tune. They had finally quieted into a comfortable silence up in the branches of the tree when that howl sounded again in the distance. The sky had started to become overcast and now Todd realized they were apt to be caught in the impending rain storm, unfortunately now with whatever creature kept howling in the distance.

“Dirk we should head back, the sky looks like it's about to open up.” Dirk suddenly looked to the heavens and began readying himself to climb down. The pair escaped from the tree, vowing to come back again and enjoy the view before they returned to reality. The thundering started half way back to the cabin, the clouds spitting drizzle down. As they came in sight of the cabin clearing one loud CLAP resounded and they were encased in a wall of rain. The boys ran, laughing and dodging puddles the whole way, never once releasing the grasp on one another's hands. 

Dirk almost put his foot through a rotted board on the porch as they barreled into their sanctuary, both reeling with laughter from the excursion at hand. Todd began to compose himself to rid his body of his soaked and muddy shoes, as well as his currently dripping jacket. Dirk on the other hand was currently trapped inside his hoodie, one shoe on and one shoe off. 

“Dirk, Dirk stop. You're going to hurt yourself. Let me help you please.” Todd couldn't keep the smirk of endearment off of his face. He helped to gently extract Dirk’s head from the offending fabric and was met with a sheepish look and absurdly disheveled hair. Before Todd could even finish his thought about weather or not this was the best Dirk had ever looked the space was gone between them. 

It took him a moment to register that the new sensation gracing him was the soft but firm lips of Dirk pressed against his own. He reached toward the detectives face to caress his jaw and cheeks as Dirk pulled away suddenly, Todd’s hands meeting him just behind his ears stilling the man before him.

“I just thought- I didn't really- I just wanted to-” Dirk waved his hands, unsure of himself. Todd held on gently but firmly, running his thumbs across Dirk’s jawline.

“Dirk Gently, I would like to kiss you again, if that's alright.” Todd rested his forehead against Dirk’s, just waiting. Dirk nodded vigorously, for the first time in their friendship completely at a loss for words. Todd carefully placed his lips against Dirks, pulling the detective closer to him, pressing forward on his toes to deepen their kiss. Dirk reciprocated enthusiastically, as if Todd was the air he needed to survive. 

Dirk grabbed fistfuls of Todd’s shirt, moving them backwards until the pair of them tumbled, a mass of limbs upon the bed in the corner of the cabin. Both of them dissolved into fits of giggles, placing open mouth kisses on faces, jaws, and necks. The rain calmed outside as Dirk picked at Todd’s shirt, insisting he be rid of it immediately. Todd had never thought about what it might be like to have Dirk’s investigative attentions directed at him but it was overwhelming in all the best ways. 

As the rain quieted outside, the sounds of birds and their breathing filled the space around them. Neither man registered the snap of breaking branches and foliage outside. The porch creaked with use and the pair stopped suddenly. Todd remained laying on his back, Dirk astride him staring towards the door. Both remained disheveled, with swollen lips and messed up hair. 

The door was thrown open and before them was Bart in her naturally blood covered state. 

“Dirk Gently!” she bellowed, both men froze in sheer and absolute panic, Dirk may have squealed like a dying cat. “I killed one of them uh Bambi things. Imma roast it. You got ah- ya know stuff to do that with?” The pair looked away from Bart, back at one another, then back to Bart. Without breaking eye contact, as if she were about to attack, Todd reached to the floor and retrieved his lighter from his jacket pocket. Dirk snatched it and tossed the offending item as if it was already on fire.

“Hah! This will help lots! Thanks!” And off she went again, door slamming behind her. The pair looked back at one another and Todd began to hysterically laugh while Dirk continued to look mortified. A significantly close howl brought their attention back the world outside. It was the same sound that had been haunting them for days though this time it was followed by a chorus of yells and guttural calls.

“You have got to be freaking kidding me.” Dirk removed himself from their tangle of limbs ad Todd peaked out the windows. “I kept thinking we were going to be mauled by wolves and this entire time it was Martin. What the hell!”

“You might still get mauled,” Dirk muttered to himself. The pair righted their shirts and attempted to make something presentable of their hair. Outside in the clearing the Rowdy 3 had materialized from the trees whilst Bart was still struggling with her kill.

Dirk stood there mouth, opening and closing like a dying guppy. Todd laughed and put an arm around his maybe, potentially,  _ possibly _ boyfriend and kissed him on the cheek. 

“Hey, you invited these weirdos.” Todd waved to his sister who was perched atop Martin’s shoulders, howling in unison with him. “Looks like you get your summer camp extravaganza after all. Roasting food on sticks, campfire stories, probably play some games.” Dirk beamed with pride and excitement.

“Oh good, I was wondering when the party would start!” Mona was there strangely and suddenly following a popping sound and the disappearance of the busted chair that had been there before. Dirk once again squawked and gripped Todd as if he was a life raft at sea. Mona floated away towards Bart and the Rowdy 3 humming to herself.

“Well, get going, they aren't going to wait all day. Besides we can pick up where we left off later.” Dirk blushed and smiled, hurrying off after his group of holistic maniacs. Todd was very sure there was nowhere he would rather be.

It turned out to be the most interesting of days.

Maybe the universe did know what it was doing.

Occasionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142217365@N02/44322361944/in/dateposted-public/)

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://www.flickr.com/photos/142217365@N02/44993725342/in/datetaken/)   
> 


End file.
